From the book....Jesus, Jack Asses and Jehovah Rapha -Healing the Inbetween

I grew up with intense emotional pain. I was the victim of molestation; both from younger males and an older man, who was a friend of the family. People will often say to me, "God let you go through all that so He can use you to help others." I used to say, "Yes. Amen, thank you Jesus."  But one day I was riding down the road talking to God and it hit me...out of the blue.  

When I believe that, I believe that God sacrificed my innocence to help others. Well isn't that what He did with Jesus? So it all sounds right on the surface, right?  

But on this day, I realized something deeper than that. I knew for the first time, deep in my soul, what that looked like in my mind. 

It meant that He, God, caused all that pain for me, an innocent child. 

I was angry at God for not protecting me from all the perverse evil pain I had endured. I was so deeply angry. It took a long time to get to that anger... but there it was. On that day,  He shined a light on it.

Wait a minute; He didn't cause it, He allowed it.

Take that apart. You are a parent. Your precious child is being molested by a pervert. You are watching it happen in real time. You think about it for a minute. You have a gun in one hand and are an expert marksman. You weigh your options.

You decide to turn your head while the abuse is occurring.  Even though you know you could pull your gun and shoot the SOB molesting your kid.  But you stop, holding the power to turn it around and you just watch it happen.

Because you think one day that child might help another heal from the same thing. You choose to submit your child to the intense emotional hell that will result. All, for the benefit of others in the future? What kind of parent would do that? Yet, is that not what we say about God, the perfect Father?  And after all, isn’t that what He did with His son, Jesus? Okay church people, bear with me for a minute.  Unchurch people you stay with me too.  There may be something to ponder here.

Why did God do that? Sacrifice His son, Jesus? He did it so that we can be free. Free to know Him, free to come freely before Him. So if God sacrificed Jesus for us, why would He then sacrifice us for another when the price has been paid? 

If you bought a car and drove it home. Your best friend sees it in the driveway. Because she loves you she decides to go to the dealership and pay for it. Problem is, you paid for it before you drove it off the lot. The salesman didn’t tell her that it had already been paid for. The price was covered and the title was in your name. She paid the same salesman you did, for the same car.  That doesn’t make sense, does it?

 But isn’t that what we say about God?